thunderstorm

I pay close attention to the sensation of the tears that roll down my cheek. Images of children balling themselves up and speeding down hills on their sides spring to my mind. I make no attempt to brush the offending wetness away, letting it rap slightly on the wooden desk my arms rest on. This goes on until Im crying so hard I could be my own personal thunderstorm..Im forced to sodden the sleeve of my favorite hoodie to afford choking to death on the mixture of salt and mucus. I smirk through my storm at the irony of that statement. Doing something to avoid the very wish that started this torrent, Im a hypocrite.

Every bone in my body is screaming Its over, give up! Give in to the pain, its not going away. The recesses of my mind are fighting back with You cant give up on the only thing you do remotely well, idiot!

Some days I listen to one side, some days I listen to the other. The internal battle de force is slowly eating at me.

I cant take it anymore, but I cant pluck up the resolve to let go.
Never fooled my self that my dreams would come true
So what happens now?
Where am I going to?
Where am I going to?

I look through the blur to notice the clock which keeps moving forward despite my breakdown. I look to realise that its barely 20 minutes into the next morning, and that just before I go to work, I will have the pleasure of seeing this.


a smile plasters across my face, there is a break in the cloud cover and a ray of blinding sunlight comes through.