Im a theatre person. Im also minorly disabled. Whatever, I dont let it get in the way. The show that Im in right now, and sweeney(if I get it) will probably have to be my last two shows because I simply will no longer have the stamina to do stage work. Im trying my hardest(and succeeding slowly, I think....) to come to terms with that.
I LOVE ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER. Yes, hes repetitive and has a ridiculous amount of pop licks in his classically based shows(and he cast the Phantom in the movie himself, and he was terrible, Fuck you Gerard Butler.) He was my "first", theatrically speaking. I went to see Joesph when I was five, with Donny Osmond, and BOOM I was a theatre kid. SHAZAM.
So naturally, when I got to do a Webber revue I was completely honored and so so very happy.
To top it off, we were doing songs from Jesus Christ Superstar which is my favorite ALW show. I also can sing the crap out of Mary. Its one of the few roles where I can sing ALL the songs and be completely satisfied with them. I auditioned for the solo in I dont know how to love him and didnt get it. No biggie, there are loads of people there that can sing much better than I can. I was fine making the "Whats the Buzz?" chorus. Today we worked that part of the show. I sang my way through whats the buzz tell me whats happening/when do we ride into Jerusalem countless times. Then we had to be onstage for when Mary sings "let me try to cool down your face a bit..." and it took everything in my soul not to cringe and run screaming. True, she auditioned just like everyone and got the part, good for her, and what do I know, maybe she was super nervous...
But, from where I was standing, arms crossed and in character for my "what the fuck happened to you jesus, what are you doing with this whore?" type person(I havent given her a name yet. I have to think of one period appropriate LOL, Im that much of a dork) This woman had no singing ability WHATSOEVER. She was completely flat, off time, and didnt know how to phrase AT ALL. I looked at my music director(directly behind her and "Jesus") and raised my eyebrow. He mouths "I know, Im sorry". Youre sorry? Goddamnit. Not only do I have to deal with the fact that this is possibly my last show EVER, but now youre going to make me sit through the ruining of my favorite musical, and have it done basically by my own hand? WHAT KIND OF DOUCHEBAGGERY IS THAT? I am very very close with my music director. I love him to death. He knows what JCS means to me, what theatre means...I dont get how hes ok with this casting, and with making me be there witnessing it. Please, cut me. Put me in with starlight, or phantom or Cats or....anything but this.
I had told him previous to this that this would probably be my last full on show. My theory(and I could be out to lunch) is that he didnt cast me because he didnt want to make my physical impediment worse, and I can see that. I see that hes basically trying to save me from myself. I can appreciate that, but it hurts so so much. I hate discrimination. Even when its done with the best intention.
I even had people in the cast come up to me after and apologising for what went on in the rehearsal room. HAHAH! Wow...
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